Survivor's Guilt
by Hakkari
Summary: In the aftermath of the Reaper War, Shepard feels the weight of sacrifices made. Unexpectedly finding comfort in a krogan clan leader, she finds out that she's not alone in her feelings. Post-Destroy ending. One-shot Wrex/FemShep friendship. Implied EDI/Joker.


The krogan had been sent ahead to the beam, followed by a small group of asari. They had grumbled about being used only as heavy lifters, but Grunt had snapped them back into place. The tank-grown had quite the quad to stand up to the elders like he had. It had also saved Wrex from revealing his own desire to go up into the Citadel.

Radio contact with Shepard had been lost after the fleets had retreated and the Crucible had been activated. All around the clan leader reapers had fallen, suddenly shutting down. The husks and brutes that had been terrorizing his own squad had been vaporized. He had expected Shepard to be on the Normandy, Joker pulling her ass out of the fire like he usually did.

Then the Normandy had disappeared shortly after the Crucible had fired. The relay explosion had taken them… somewhere. He didn't know the specifics, had never cared much for ship jargon to understand what Hackett was warning the other ships about. The Normandy had gotten to the relay first, was all Wrex had gathered, and then it had rode the relay out to some undisclosed location. Shepard had also not been on board, had still been on the Citadel.

Grunt hadn't been happy with the news, marching over to the closest ground unit he could find before growling for answers. The humans had been expectedly nervous; they didn't have the same attachments as a krogan had to their battlemaster, and an angry alien slamming you against a Mako before demanding answers for a problem you didn't know about had probably not been on the agenda. They had been relieved when Wrex had pulled him away, even awkwardly thanking him while trying to avoid eye contact with Grunt.

They were on the Citadel searching for survivors and estimating how much time it would take to rebuild, officially. Wrex could care less about how tragic it was that their artificial lake had been decimated. Shepard was his primary concern. The woman was his non-brood sister, even closer to him than his own true brother. There was no way he was going to let her rot away while the asari debated about budgets and finance reports. Even if he just found her corpse… well, he'd give her a warrior's burial, at the very least.

"_The geth still aren't responding… We're boarding one of the ships now." _Another concern, albeit a small one at the moment. Wrex had never liked the geth, even after meeting the one Shepard called 'Legion'. He heard Grunt growl at his side, and he turned towards him.

"What is it?" The young krogan sniffed the air before slowly pushing through the ruins.

"Smell that? Blood… there's a body in this room up ahead. Human, from what I can see." He grunted, pushing away the last of the rubble, revealing a small room surprisingly untouched by the devastation. "It's the Illusive Man, I think. Looks like him, but he looks a little bit like a husk…" Wrex pushed forward, grabbing the body. The head lolled back, revealing two unfocused, glowing eyes.

"Definitely him." His fingers slipped down the man's body, searching for the cause of death. It was obvious he hadn't been crushed… The place where his heart should have been was gone, a mere hole. "This is Shepard's work. She always did like punching it right through the chest."

"_Admiral Zaal'Koris, any news about the geth?" _Hackett. They'd have to report the Illusive Man's death to him. It was something the admiral deserved to know.

"Wrex? The captain that Shepard talked about so much… he's over here. Pretty sure he's dead." He dropped the body, quickly walking over to where Grunt was standing. Anderson looked almost peaceful, his eyes closed and his head slumped against his chest as if he had been watching the battle before taking a quick nap.

"_Negative, Admiral Hackett. We are… continuing our search. So far no signs that anything is wrong except for the lack of activity. Everything's still intact."_

Wrex's eyes wandered away from Anderson before freezing on a blood trail next to him. It wasn't his blood, not unless he had crawled from two directions before finally dying. He growled before calling Hackett. "Admiral, this is Urdnot Wrex of the Citadel recon team."

"_Find anything yet?"_

"The place has gone to hell, completely ruined. Don't know any specifics, you'd have to ask the asari about those. We found the bodies of the Illusive Man and Captain Anderson."

"_Damn. Anything about Shepard?"_

"Negative. Though there's a blood trail here… we'll see where it goes."

"_If you can find her body, bring it back immediately. We'll send a recovery team for Anderson. I know that you were supposed to be looking at damage, but make finding Shepard your top priority."_

He let out a low grumble. "Understood."

He didn't like the way they were treating the commander, as if they were certain she was dead. Not that he could blame them; there were only so many times someone could cheat death. But she had also already been dead once before, and that hadn't slowed her down. She had led the charge like a clan of his own kind, something that he admired her for.

He nodded to Grunt. "Let's go."

"_The geth seem to be completely shut down. They're not responding to anything we do to them. We'll keep trying to revive them. I'm not sure what to do in this situation."_

The lack of rubble in the hall surprised Wrex. Everywhere else had been turned to shit, yet the one room and hallway where the Illusive Man and Anderson had been found weren't? He was getting uncomfortable. "Be ready for anything. None of this smells right."

Grunt lifted his head, sniffing again before curling his lip. "More blood down here. Smells… fresh." He moved ahead, leaving Wrex to follow. A large pit of rocks and metal awaited them at the end of the hall. "It's in there, somewhere. It kind of smells burnt, too. Burning metal and flesh mixed with blood. You getting hungry?" He snorted before beginning to dig out around them.

Wrex stared at the massive pit, eyes narrowing. He could have sworn he saw movement as Grunt was speaking. Could it have…? A few small rocks tumbled from their spot, revealing a blackened piece of moving armor. He pushed past Grunt and began to dig. As more of the person was revealed, he could tell it was a human woman. "Shepard?" She didn't answer, her breathing ragged and desperate. "Just hold on, Shepard." It had to be her. Who else could it be?

As soon as her arm was free Wrex yanked her from the rubble. At first he could barely recognize her, the body so burnt and bloody that he wasn't sure she could even be alive. Then she coughed, opening her eyes and gazing up at him. "…Wrex?"

He nodded, trying to hide his pure joy at the sound of her strangled voice. He hefted her into his arms. "Shepard?"

"…Did we… did we… win?" He thought about the unresponsive geth, the synthetics that had suddenly gone offline. The reapers crashing to the ground.

"Yes. Yes we did, Shepard."

** T**

The Normandy had been found not far from the Sol system, flying rather aimlessly. The crew had basically given up hope of ever seeing Earth again, and Joker had sunken into depression after EDI's 'death'. Her mobile platform had been placed in a casket and left in the cargo bay until they could find a better place for her.

Their return from nowhere had been unexpected, and they had been welcomed back as heroes. They were quickly herded to Vancouver and treated for whatever minor scrapes and burns they had attained. As such, the news of their arrival had been forwarded to Shepard by Wrex, who had become her bedside companion in her hospital room in London.

"You're going to have to go back to Tuchanka eventually, Wrex. Isn't Eve expecting?"

"Shepard. The relays are still out. Besides, I doubt my family life is your top concern right now."

She clicked her tongue. "Why wouldn't it be? I still remember that email you sent me. The one about how 'making babies again will be fun'?"

"Shepard."

She sighed, clucking at the white sheets with burnt fingers. "The geth. EDI. Did they ever come back online?"

The krogan stared at her. "Not as far as I know. Survivor's guilt? It's not your fault that they all shut down, Shepard."

Tears welled up in her eyes and she turned her head away from the clan leader. "There was no other option… None of the others…"

"What are you talking about?" She shook her head.

"Nothing that you would believe, Wrex." He grunted.

"I've seen quite a bit that I never thought I'd believe since joining up with you, Shepard. Go for it."

She hesitated, staring out the window at the wreckage that had once made up London. Her gaze shifted to the Citadel, still hovering ominously overhead. Then she began to recount her journey to the beam. How Harbinger had simply flown away after striking her, how the Illusive Man took control of her and caused her to shoot Anderson, how she had regained control and shot the Illusive Man right in the heart, the same place where she struck Udina. How she and Anderson had watched the battle, how she had watched him die and fully expected to bleed out herself. How the Catalyst took the form of a child and offered her three options. How she had chosen to destroy the reapers, because any other option would be defeat.

Wrex was silent for a moment before shifting. "You were right, Shepard. I wouldn't believe a damn word of that if it weren't you saying it. So the Crucible caused the geth to shut down?"

"I guess. The kid wasn't… clear. He said that I would die, too, but I'm still here. EDI… gods, Joker must be taking this badly." She slammed her head against her pillow and gripped the sheets tighter. "I can never face him again… Tali, too. Hell, the entire damn squad."

He shrugged. "I don't know about that, Shepard. We all knew what was at stake. I think your argument is a sound one; kill the reapers or they kill us. I didn't know EDI long, but if she was half the friend you claim she was, she probably would have sacrificed herself to save the reapers. Don't know much about the geth, but we all came into this expecting death, them included."

"That doesn't make me feel any better, Wrex. They're still lives that I sacrificed without their permission. It doesn't matter whether they wanted it or not, they didn't even know. One moment they were alive, the next… the next they were just scrambled data."

"There was no other option, Shepard. They would have understood that. Joker will understand that. The entire team will understand, if they're mad at you at all." He shrugged again, leaning back against the too-small chair. "I don't get you, Shepard. One moment you're ready to kick some ass, shooting people right in the heart. The next you're an emotional wreck."

She looked away again. "You just don't get it."

Wrex snorted. "_Women._ Always think they're all alone in whatever hell the galaxy's in now. You're not the only one who's made sacrifices, Shepard. We all have. Yet not all of us get to be the damn 'savior of the galaxy'. Do those who you loved a favor and grow a quad. Stand by your decisions. If you're still wallowing in self-pity, name your first kid after them or something. What you're doing, blaming everything on yourself, doesn't help or honor anyone."

Her brow raised. "I never took you to be a can-do-attitude type, Wrex."

He snorted. "I have my moments, Shepard. But what you do next? That's up to you. I can drag your ass out of the fire, I can watch your back, I can hide whatever fling you were having in the captain's quarters from Alliance brass, but I can't make you forgive yourself. That's up to you."

A nurse peaked into the room, shriveling away at the sight of the krogan. "Um, visiting hours are over, sir."

He nodded, replacing his chair back into the corner before leaving. The nurse turned to go. "Wait. Ma'am."

"Commander?"

"Can you patch a comm link through to Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau? I'd like to speak to him as soon as possible."

**A/N: I've never written Mass Effect fanfiction before, and it probably shows xD;**

**I left the Shepard character general because I felt like forcing my own Shepard into this scenario wouldn't have worked as well. I apologize for the OOC of Wrex and probably every other character, but I tried. :**

**Reviews are much loved as always!**


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